Want to boost your resilience?
Oct 3
/
Sally Dellow
Top Tips for Dealing with What Work (and life!) Throw Your Way
Practising Gratitude
I am generally not good at habits. I enjoy variety and spontaneity too much. But most nights I write in a gratitude journal that I keep by my bed. I capture 3 things I’m grateful for from that day. About 7 years ago I read “The Optimistic Child” by Martin Seligman (the ‘godfather’ of positive psychology) seeking to help my daughter rebuild her optimistic mindset after a series of setbacks at school. The tool we landed on was his gratitude practice. Now, aged 16, she has certainly bounced back and is thriving, and the gratitude practice has stuck with me.
Those who know me on Facebook may recall that I also post on the second working day of each week under the hashtag #GratiTuesday. What do I post? It might be gratitude for the blossom I see from my minibus window. Gratitude for getting the last seat on a non-stop flight to the UK for work. Gratitude for friends. Gratitude for the food I eat for lunch and the cash with which to buy it. Gratitude that my laptop fires up when I switch it on…
Regularly searching my life for things that are working out and going well helps me realise how many there are — even on the darkest days. So when my laptop doesn’t work, or a project is behind schedule, or there’s a critical delay in a client payment, or when I face my children and tell them I’m getting divorced, or have to rush one of them to hospital with a broken bone… I’m practiced at finding perspective, ‘reframing’. My gratitude-fueled positive mindset helps me face and solve problems, rather than becoming overwhelmed. It makes me resilient.
The Role of Resilience
We live in a world of constant change: ambiguous and uncertain career futures, the comparisons, judgement and isolation that are the dark side of social media, the challenge of managing huge volumes of information… It’s easy to feel a bit unfortunate. A bit hopeless. A bit out of control and sorry for ourselves. We can feel like a hostage to fortune.
That’s why we need resilience. It’s role is not to help us bulldoze through till we finally burn out. (I call that “super-coping” and I see far too many clients doing it. It is unsustainable). Instead, resilience helps us feel more positive and resourceful in the face of adversity, providing access to perspective, hope and energy.
So, what is resilience? And are there simple steps to accessing and renewing our reserves of it? Resilience is the difference between a raw egg and a rubber ball, when they both roll off a table. The egg smashes; the ball bounces back and can fall again and again and again — undamaged.
The wonderful Centre for Creative Leadership has come up with 8 elements of building resiliency. While it’s a robust model, I find it a bit hard to remember — especially in moments of stress. It’s also really designed as a long-term developmental blueprint. (Take a look — and talk to us if you want to put in place a programmatic approach to building resilience in your teams and organisation).
My goal for this blog is to offer a way to tap quickly into your current reserves of resilience in any stressful moment.
Quick Fix Tricks
As with everything, your best first move to access resilience is to stop and take THREE SLOW, DEEP BREATHS…
Then my 3-step, easy-to-remember resilience recipe is:
Attitude of Gratitude
Continue to breathe deeply and ask yourself:
“What is one thing that is working right now?” Force yourself to answer the question. Find something! Anything! Your response might be as basic as, “There’s coffee in the pantry, I can go and make a cup to drink while I think” or “At least my laptop is working so I can email a few people and ask for advice.”
The combination of oxygenated breath, smoother, slower heartrate and positive perspective dials down the stress hormones in your bloodstream and allows other, more helpful biochemicals to rebalance in your system. This helps open up your pre-frontal cortex — the part of the brain where your problem-solving capacities lie.
Right to Reframe
Next, return to that slow, deep breathing. Stand up. Gently roll your shoulders and wiggle your fingers to release some muscle tension. Now, deliberately step-by-step, examine your reaction to the presenting problem from the opposite perspective (even if it feels a bit ‘fake’). This is reframing.
With reframing, apocalyptic reactive thinking such as:
“It’s a disaster! My boss is going to kill me! I have no idea what to do! I’m going to get the blame for this!”
becomes
“The missing components mean a significant delay in delivery from the Hangzhou factory.” “I need to think this through and identify solutions or mitigations. I’ve done that with other significant problems before.” “I’m accountable, but not alone. I can ask my peer in logistics to help me explore a range of possibilities and ideas.”
Champion Choice
Choice requires clarity.
Clarity comes from a calm and open mind. The door to that mind is the biochemicals in your bloodstream.
So, keep breathing deeply and slowly.
Try to put a smile on your face (bark out a stress-relieving laugh of disbelief at the situation, or just briefly push the muscles of your mouth and cheeks up into a quick smile shape: fake it ’til you make it!). These physical moves help change the hormone balance in your bloodstream and your brain.
Clarity enables choices. Choices are decisions and decisions are empowering.
I have the huge privilege to work as a coach on IMD’s High Performance Leadership Programme under Professor George Kohlrieser, I’ve been exposed to his incredible toolkit developed over a lifetime as a hostage negotiator. He taught me that choices create a sense of control…
Feeling in control is a big contributor to resilience under stress. Of course, your choices might be constrained, less-than-ideal. But making them feels strong, hopeful, future-focused.
Professor Kohlrieser tells the story of talking “Sam” into surrendering in a life-threatening hostage scenario. George offered Sam choices right down to the last minute: “When you take the scissors from my throat do you want to put them on the bed or throw them into the corner of the room?”, “Do you want me to handcuff you or should the police Lieutenant do it?”. “Shall I cuff you in front or behind?”… Every time Sam chose, he because calmer. He faced his awful situation with clarity and self-control.
In our workplace disaster scenario above, you could ask yourself:
“There are 5 people who could probably help and advise me. Who shall I call first?”
Or
“Shall we pay to buy in components quickly from a more expensive supplier or pay the penalty for a week’s delay in delivery to the client?”
Bounce Back
At Dramatic Difference, we develop high performance people. Resilience is a characteristic that’s vital to high performance.
Both as actors and as executive coaches with a passionate interest in neuroscience, we know that your brain lives inside your body, and yourbody can help rescue you in times of stress.
So, to transform from eggshell fragile to rubber ball resilient: Breathe. Smile. (And keep doing that).
- Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude — notice the smallest things that are still going OK
- It’s Right to Reframe — turn the situation around and use positive language to name what’s going on.
- Champion Choice — make a list of options. Choose some people to help you generate ideas and possible actions. Make the best, clearest choices you can. If they turn out to be imperfect, keep breathing deeply and make the next decision and the next till you’re back on track.
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Please do comment on this blog – we welcome your feedback and questions.
And if you’d like to talk to us about this blog or any other aspect of developing high performance people, you can reach us on +852 3481 3473 or through [email protected]
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Sally Dellow is a director of Dramatic Difference, a Hong Kong & Singapore based L&D consultancy that develops High Performance People.
Vipul Maholtra, Hong Kong
Vipul is a Leadership Facilitator, Executive Coach, and Actor. His passion is to work specifically in areas of Individual Leadership and Organizational Development with expertise in Executive Presence, Storytelling with Presence, Situational Leadership, Managing Team Dynamics, and Emotional Intelligence.
Harry Marshall - Singapore
As a facilitator and coach, Harry specialises in leadership transitions and career coaching. He works supporting leadership and functional teams across APAC, drawing on his operational and commercial background developing and servicing complex client accounts. Since 1995, he has lived & worked in Singapore, Indonesia and the Philippines and has extensive commercial experience across the region. His passion is helping clients to to understand, leverage and refine their leadership style, develop skills in presentation, communication and dialogue, and build psychological safety in teams for high performance.
Sally Dellow - Hong Kong
Sally is an executive coach and facilitator (and an actor, playwright and published poet) with over 30 years global experience. A specialist in leadership coaching and team development, Sally is an active thought partner with thousands of hours of coaching up to C-suite/Board level. She coaches for London Business School and IMD and is a member of the global leadership and coaching faculties for Barclays, BP and Nestlé. A third-culture adult herself, she specialises in intercultural leadership and teams.
Katherine Sum - Hong Kong
Katherine is both a skilled facilitator and a specialist in L&D support and business operations. Formerly Director of Marketing and Communications for the International Association of Facilitators (IAF) Hong Kong, she specialises in Process Facilitation, Facilitation Training and Lego® Serious Play®. Whether facilitating a group or supporting clients behind the scenes with administration, logistics and account management, Kat brings a highly exploratory and engaging style to every encounter. She values her reputation for connecting deeply in the service of excellent client outcomes.
Eric Sampson - Hong Kong
Eric is a specialist in Leadership Development, Executive and Business Coaching, Cross Cultural Communication and Diversity & Inclusion. He has been working as a communications training consultant and executive coach since 2008 and regularly works with senior executives up to ‘C’ suite level, in both small groups and individually.
Alex Park - Korea
Alex is an accredited executive coach, facilitator and business consultant based in Seoul. After working as a banker for more than 30 years in New York, Zurich, London and Seoul, he left the financial industry to pursue his dual passions: the development of his clients’ businesses/lives, and improvisational theatre. He works extensively on executive presence, presenting and communication skills. He is a familiar name in Korean media and theatre and was selected as one of the twenty-one individuals who will lead Korea in the 21st century.
Alistair Scott - UK
Alistair specialises in senior client relationship management, presentations, pitching, personal impact and public speaking. Clients benefit from his unique combination of professional training as a stage and screen actor, combined with the insights from a 25-year career as a senior investment banker in the UK, Europe and Asia. Working with executives (up to and including Chairman and CEO), Alistair helps to improve communication and relationship development skills with both clients and colleagues. He advises on personal brand and franchise building within the corporate world, and supports executives to maximise their impact in high-level presentations and pitches.
Babara Lee Draminsky - Singapore
Currently based in Singapore, Babara has over 25 years of working experiences in retail, hospitality, food & beverage, marketing and advertising, public relations, conferences and events management, coaching and training industries. She has worked and lived in Hong Kong, China, Taiwan, Denmark, Spain, and Los Angeles, and is fluent in English, Mandarin, Cantonese, and conversational Danish and Spanish.
Edward Choy - Singapore
Edward graduated with a Master’s Degree in Theatre and lectures at the National University of Singapore in the fields of Acting Theory and Performance Studies. He is an experienced communication and management skills trainer, combining a strong grasp of management theory and a dynamic sense of enthusiasm with 17 years of experience in corporate training, as well as work experience in retail banking as a wealth manager. He also regularly conducts financial literacy talks and hosts public forums and panel discussions with renowned financial experts for The Singapore Exchange (SGX), in addition to a host of other financial institutions and organisations.
Elizabeth Redfern - Australia
Now based in Melbourne Elizabeth previously spent more than twenty years in Hong Kong and APAC working with international law firms, corporations, media groups and consultancies. She is a specialist in marketing, communications and business development, and has wide experience with maternity/ parental coaching. As a coach, Elizabeth brings an understanding of demanding commercial environments, and a keen interest in high performance, personal brand building and fostering female talent. Elizabeth’s coaches both face-to-face and virtually, and her style fuses business acumen with empathy and creativity.
Charlie Whalley - Thailand
Charlie is an Executive Coach and Mentor for middle and senior managers who want to increase their impact and fast track their growth. She is a highly experienced ICF Professional Certified Coach (PCC) and Firework Career Transition Coach.
She has over 20years’ experience in senior roles in the UK and overseas. She has worked in both start-up environments and large complex matric organizations. Her industry experience spans across many sectors, including F&B, healthcare, energy & resources, education, travel and sports & leisure. As a result, she has a deep understanding of how to successfully navigate career transitions, senior leadership challenges and team dynamics.
Crystal Chu - Philippines
Crystal has been a passionate disciple of acting for over 20 years, giving notable performance in theatre, film, television and household-name commercials, both in Hong Kong and overseas.
Crystal is an experienced coach and facilitator who combines her acting expertise with positive psychology to help individuals and teams unlock their potential. Her approach integrates theatrical techniques with practical tools for overcoming challenges and fostering growth.
Natasha Jain - USA
Natasha is a British-born actor and facilitator, who recently relocated from Hong Kong to New York. Natasha began her career working for leading global law firms. Over the subsequent decade she extended her career into HR, Human Rights, and Marketing and Sustainability, working with leading financial institutions, several start-ups and boutique consultancies. Skilled in navigating the complexities of the corporate matrix, Natasha now brings her skills in stakeholder relations to bear in the leadership learning space. An impactful and influential communicator, she is a leader in Theatre-Led Learning design and delivery.
Piny Ly - Thailand
Piny is a transformation coach and business consultant who works with clients internationally. She helps executives, entrepreneurs and professionals break through the feeling stuck in their careers or business, gain clarity and confidence in their decision-making, and unlock their full potential. A lawyer by training, Piny had a successful career both in private practice and in-house in Sydney and Hong Kong, before moving to Cambodia in 2020 to reconnect with her Cambodian roots. Committed and creative, Piny has served as a non-profit board member, volunteered with a children’s education NGO, mentored young entrepreneurs, and launched a women’s talk show.
Tony Wang - Shanghai
Tony focuses on strengths-based leadership for senior management roles, plus team coaching and facilitation around high- performance team dynamics. On top of his solid 16 years’ corporate work experience, he has dedicated more than ten years to personal growth and team development work.
Yvonne Yam - Japan
For more than 20 years, Yvonne has been coaching MNC and NGO leaders. She is also a master facilitator known for her passionate, insightful and creative style. Yvonne has studied and worked in the USA, Hong Kong, and Japan. A constant learner, she is continually equipping herself with new skills and methodologies, including Integral Change theory, and she brings each new-found approach to her client practice. Yvonne engages and empowers her clients to develop holistic and sustainable habits to support their goals and aspirations. Now resident in Japan, Yvonne coaches in Cantonese, Mandarin, and English.
Sonali Edwards - Dubai
Sonali is an experienced Executive Coach working at EXCO level and with senior business professionals to amplify their leadership capability.
Sonali also serves as an Executive Coach with IMD Business School on programs including High Performance Leadership (HPL) and Inspirational Leadership (IL) with distinguished Professor of Leadership and Organizational Behaviour, George Kohlrieser. Based in the UAE, Sonali has worked internationally for 22 years.
Jo Tan - Singapore
Jo is a multi-awarded actor and writer, as well as a qualified lawyer who was called to the Singapore bar in 2005 before electing to focus on writing and performing. As a journalist, her articles have been commissioned by Today newspaper, Time Out Singapore, the arts magazine The A-List, and The Singapore Airlines’ inflight magazine SilverKris. Her scripting and performance work been seen on stages and screens in various cities, including New York, Yeosu, London, Beijing, and Cannes for its famed film festival, as well as Singapore, where she won the Best Original Script category in the Life! Theatre Awards 2022, as well as the Best Actress title for the recent two editions in a row.
Emery Fung - Hong Kong
Emery is a DEI consultant based in Hong Kong. He helps value-driven businesses turn difficult conversations into powerful connections through an intersectional, culturally relevant lens.
Formerly the Diversity & Inclusion Director for Gay Games Hong Kong 2023, he introduced their Gender Inclusive Policy. Emery came out as a transgender man on LinkedIn, a pivotal moment in his DEI journey. His lived experience—navigating ADHD, dyslexia, and anxiety—fuels his work. Fluent in Cantonese and English, he supports leaders with localised strategies that drive inclusive impact across teams and cultures.
Formerly the Diversity & Inclusion Director for Gay Games Hong Kong 2023, he introduced their Gender Inclusive Policy. Emery came out as a transgender man on LinkedIn, a pivotal moment in his DEI journey. His lived experience—navigating ADHD, dyslexia, and anxiety—fuels his work. Fluent in Cantonese and English, he supports leaders with localised strategies that drive inclusive impact across teams and cultures.
Matangi Gowrishankar - India
Matangi is a seasoned executive coach and facilitator with over three decades of global experience working in large organisations Indian by passport, Matangi has travelled extensively, and has global leadership experience in the UK and Singapore working on a broad geographic remit across APAC, India, Middle East, Turkey, Southern Africa, UK, and the USA. A specialist in organizational development, change management, leadership development and team dynamics, Matangi has a keen interest in international business and intercultural leadership. She works with clients worldwide, both virtually and face-to-face.
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