Building a Bridge from Past to Future
Sep 19
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Sally Dellow
Is there a better way to navigate through tricky transitions?
I’ve recently returned from the UK, where I dropped my firstborn child – now an adult of 18 years old – at university. She was so excited and ready to start her own life; I was so excited for her, but it was also tinged with anxiety about what this change means for MY life. To have this major shift happening against the backdrop of protests in Hong Kong, and just a few months short of my 30th anniversary living here… Well, it’s got me thinking hard about transitions, and how tricky they can be.
Tackling Transitions
Transitions are those spaces between one thing and the next: not quite the old familiar thing, but also not fully the new. Transitions are full of ambiguities, and most of us fill the space with worry, fear, anxiety and a spiralling, desperate craving for clarity.
As a coach, I often find myself working with clients who are in or approaching a transition.
For example, one constant refrain in my practice is “There’s going to be another organisational restructure”: clients find themselves transitioning into new roles, product sets or geographies.
I am currently supporting a senior executive who is struggling along a 3-month path to redundancy after more than 25 years with his employer. “What to do next?” is the turbulent river he needs to cross.
The same self-searching plagues another client who has taken her start-up through to a very successful buy-out. Sitting in her secure, senior role in the acquiring organization, she finds herself bewildered by a desire to return to something small where she needs to jump constantly between tasks and roles.
Others are struggling with new generation teams, or digitalization, or major market shifts.
Like me, some clients are facing transitions as parents of children entering school, or flying the nest. Some are switching from a life of high independence to care-giving for elderly parents. And many, certainly in places like Hong Kong and the UK, are juggling questions around (re)location.
No matter the challenge or question, all these individuals are wreathed in a fog of uncertainty and hoping for ‘the answer’ to become clear. As their coach I often find the sun breaks through those clouds when the client can get into action.
Generally this action initially takes the form of:
- Clearly and pragmatically stating their key question(s);
- Generating a range of options, choices and areas of research;
- Defining a timeline (and sometimes multiple parallel timelines) to take action on the options or do the research so they can begin to move from current state to future.
Reframing the Question
My clients are full of questions, as they look at their changing future…
Redundancy:
Why didn’t I take control of the organisational change earlier and secure my own position, instead of focusing only on caring for my team? Why did I naïvely think the organisation would be as loyal to me as I have been to them?
Buy-out:
What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be satisfied with security, which is what so many others see as success?
Children / Elderly parents:
Why is this happening to me? Why didn’t I do something different to prepare for this?
“Why?” questions are often implicitly loaded with judgement, blame and shame. As a coach, I frequently reframe clients’ “why” questions. My goal is to reverse the direction of their negative question spiral. Instead, I want their questions to propel them forwards one (often small) action at a time. In coaching we call this “creating momentum”.
Examples of reframing the questions above might be:
Examples of reframing the questions above might be:
Reframing the Question
What strengths did I use in a small nimble organisation that I use less now?
When, in my current role, do I feel most dynamic and creative?
Redundancy:
Who else can offer any support to my parents, when and how? What did I miss when I was raising my children and how can I reconnect with that activity?
Buy-out:
What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be satisfied with security, which is what so many others see as success?
Children / Elderly parents:
Why is this happening to me? Why didn’t I do something different to prepare for this?
Asking such questions prompts small immediate actions that shift us out of powerless waiting and into empowered path-finding. (Note that I used the word ’empowered’, not ‘powerful’ because even if we still feel small, afraid and unhappy, we are no longer a passive hostage to the situation; we are doing what we can and creating/exploring what is within our control – even if it’s just a Google search, a phone call or half an hour sitting on a sofa thinking or journaling.
The questions I’ve reframed above aim simply to put the next plank in the bridge between what used to be and what will be next. They shift focus away from the unknowns in the future and on to the transition itself. Of course, after a few rounds of asking questions and taking the next small action (with or without a coach) it’s helpful to review how far you’ve come and to check that the bridge you’re building is taking you in the right direction. Seeking another person’s perspective on this (a coach, a mentor, a challenging friend or a wise spouse/partner) is a smart move at this stage.
As Dramatic Difference coaches, we use our proprietary C4 model when we map and support client transitions. The C4 model weaves together Connection, Curiosity, Courage and Clarity. We use the model to diagnose areas of weakness and doubt so our clients can take concrete actions to strengthen themselves. We dare to explore how you feel alone or unsupported and we help you identify people with whom you could connect. We highlight your assumptions and negative judgements and encourage curious reframing and discovery. We look for zones of fear and anxiety in order to identify what gives you the guts to look them squarely in the eye (“feel the fear and do it anyway”). All this builds clarity about where you are in your transition, what options are available, and what your next best move is.
No-one can promise that every transition will work out well. But experience tells us that bringing a C4 approach to the change ahead is a good way to maximise your chances of success. In the words of Oprah Winfrey: “Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.”
If you’d like to talk to us about career coaching or tackling any other kind of professional or personal transition, please do get in touch.
Vipul Maholtra, Hong Kong
Vipul is a Leadership Facilitator, Executive Coach, and Actor. His passion is to work specifically in areas of Individual Leadership and Organizational Development with expertise in Executive Presence, Storytelling with Presence, Situational Leadership, Managing Team Dynamics, and Emotional Intelligence.
Harry Marshall - Singapore
As a facilitator and coach, Harry specialises in leadership transitions and career coaching. He works supporting leadership and functional teams across APAC, drawing on his operational and commercial background developing and servicing complex client accounts. Since 1995, he has lived & worked in Singapore, Indonesia and the Philippines and has extensive commercial experience across the region. His passion is helping clients to to understand, leverage and refine their leadership style, develop skills in presentation, communication and dialogue, and build psychological safety in teams for high performance.
Sally Dellow - Hong Kong
Sally is an executive coach and facilitator (and an actor, playwright and published poet) with over 30 years global experience. A specialist in leadership coaching and team development, Sally is an active thought partner with thousands of hours of coaching up to C-suite/Board level. She coaches for London Business School and IMD and is a member of the global leadership and coaching faculties for Barclays, BP and Nestlé. A third-culture adult herself, she specialises in intercultural leadership and teams.
Katherine Sum - Hong Kong
Katherine is both a skilled facilitator and a specialist in L&D support and business operations. Formerly Director of Marketing and Communications for the International Association of Facilitators (IAF) Hong Kong, she specialises in Process Facilitation, Facilitation Training and Lego® Serious Play®. Whether facilitating a group or supporting clients behind the scenes with administration, logistics and account management, Kat brings a highly exploratory and engaging style to every encounter. She values her reputation for connecting deeply in the service of excellent client outcomes.
Eric Sampson - Hong Kong
Eric is a specialist in Leadership Development, Executive and Business Coaching, Cross Cultural Communication and Diversity & Inclusion. He has been working as a communications training consultant and executive coach since 2008 and regularly works with senior executives up to ‘C’ suite level, in both small groups and individually.
Alex Park - Korea
Alex is an accredited executive coach, facilitator and business consultant based in Seoul. After working as a banker for more than 30 years in New York, Zurich, London and Seoul, he left the financial industry to pursue his dual passions: the development of his clients’ businesses/lives, and improvisational theatre. He works extensively on executive presence, presenting and communication skills. He is a familiar name in Korean media and theatre and was selected as one of the twenty-one individuals who will lead Korea in the 21st century.
Alistair Scott - UK
Alistair specialises in senior client relationship management, presentations, pitching, personal impact and public speaking. Clients benefit from his unique combination of professional training as a stage and screen actor, combined with the insights from a 25-year career as a senior investment banker in the UK, Europe and Asia. Working with executives (up to and including Chairman and CEO), Alistair helps to improve communication and relationship development skills with both clients and colleagues. He advises on personal brand and franchise building within the corporate world, and supports executives to maximise their impact in high-level presentations and pitches.
Babara Lee Draminsky - Singapore
Currently based in Singapore, Babara has over 25 years of working experiences in retail, hospitality, food & beverage, marketing and advertising, public relations, conferences and events management, coaching and training industries. She has worked and lived in Hong Kong, China, Taiwan, Denmark, Spain, and Los Angeles, and is fluent in English, Mandarin, Cantonese, and conversational Danish and Spanish.
Edward Choy - Singapore
Edward graduated with a Master’s Degree in Theatre and lectures at the National University of Singapore in the fields of Acting Theory and Performance Studies. He is an experienced communication and management skills trainer, combining a strong grasp of management theory and a dynamic sense of enthusiasm with 17 years of experience in corporate training, as well as work experience in retail banking as a wealth manager. He also regularly conducts financial literacy talks and hosts public forums and panel discussions with renowned financial experts for The Singapore Exchange (SGX), in addition to a host of other financial institutions and organisations.
Elizabeth Redfern - Australia
Now based in Melbourne Elizabeth previously spent more than twenty years in Hong Kong and APAC working with international law firms, corporations, media groups and consultancies. She is a specialist in marketing, communications and business development, and has wide experience with maternity/ parental coaching. As a coach, Elizabeth brings an understanding of demanding commercial environments, and a keen interest in high performance, personal brand building and fostering female talent. Elizabeth’s coaches both face-to-face and virtually, and her style fuses business acumen with empathy and creativity.
Charlie Whalley - Thailand
Charlie is an Executive Coach and Mentor for middle and senior managers who want to increase their impact and fast track their growth. She is a highly experienced ICF Professional Certified Coach (PCC) and Firework Career Transition Coach.
She has over 20years’ experience in senior roles in the UK and overseas. She has worked in both start-up environments and large complex matric organizations. Her industry experience spans across many sectors, including F&B, healthcare, energy & resources, education, travel and sports & leisure. As a result, she has a deep understanding of how to successfully navigate career transitions, senior leadership challenges and team dynamics.
Crystal Chu - Philippines
Crystal has been a passionate disciple of acting for over 20 years, giving notable performance in theatre, film, television and household-name commercials, both in Hong Kong and overseas.
Crystal is an experienced coach and facilitator who combines her acting expertise with positive psychology to help individuals and teams unlock their potential. Her approach integrates theatrical techniques with practical tools for overcoming challenges and fostering growth.
Natasha Jain - USA
Natasha is a British-born actor and facilitator, who recently relocated from Hong Kong to New York. Natasha began her career working for leading global law firms. Over the subsequent decade she extended her career into HR, Human Rights, and Marketing and Sustainability, working with leading financial institutions, several start-ups and boutique consultancies. Skilled in navigating the complexities of the corporate matrix, Natasha now brings her skills in stakeholder relations to bear in the leadership learning space. An impactful and influential communicator, she is a leader in Theatre-Led Learning design and delivery.
Piny Ly - Thailand
Piny is a transformation coach and business consultant who works with clients internationally. She helps executives, entrepreneurs and professionals break through the feeling stuck in their careers or business, gain clarity and confidence in their decision-making, and unlock their full potential. A lawyer by training, Piny had a successful career both in private practice and in-house in Sydney and Hong Kong, before moving to Cambodia in 2020 to reconnect with her Cambodian roots. Committed and creative, Piny has served as a non-profit board member, volunteered with a children’s education NGO, mentored young entrepreneurs, and launched a women’s talk show.
Tony Wang - Shanghai
Tony focuses on strengths-based leadership for senior management roles, plus team coaching and facilitation around high- performance team dynamics. On top of his solid 16 years’ corporate work experience, he has dedicated more than ten years to personal growth and team development work.
Yvonne Yam - Japan
For more than 20 years, Yvonne has been coaching MNC and NGO leaders. She is also a master facilitator known for her passionate, insightful and creative style. Yvonne has studied and worked in the USA, Hong Kong, and Japan. A constant learner, she is continually equipping herself with new skills and methodologies, including Integral Change theory, and she brings each new-found approach to her client practice. Yvonne engages and empowers her clients to develop holistic and sustainable habits to support their goals and aspirations. Now resident in Japan, Yvonne coaches in Cantonese, Mandarin, and English.
Sonali Edwards - Dubai
Sonali is an experienced Executive Coach working at EXCO level and with senior business professionals to amplify their leadership capability.
Sonali also serves as an Executive Coach with IMD Business School on programs including High Performance Leadership (HPL) and Inspirational Leadership (IL) with distinguished Professor of Leadership and Organizational Behaviour, George Kohlrieser. Based in the UAE, Sonali has worked internationally for 22 years.
Jo Tan - Singapore
Jo is a multi-awarded actor and writer, as well as a qualified lawyer who was called to the Singapore bar in 2005 before electing to focus on writing and performing. As a journalist, her articles have been commissioned by Today newspaper, Time Out Singapore, the arts magazine The A-List, and The Singapore Airlines’ inflight magazine SilverKris. Her scripting and performance work been seen on stages and screens in various cities, including New York, Yeosu, London, Beijing, and Cannes for its famed film festival, as well as Singapore, where she won the Best Original Script category in the Life! Theatre Awards 2022, as well as the Best Actress title for the recent two editions in a row.
Emery Fung - Hong Kong
Emery is a DEI consultant based in Hong Kong. He helps value-driven businesses turn difficult conversations into powerful connections through an intersectional, culturally relevant lens.
Formerly the Diversity & Inclusion Director for Gay Games Hong Kong 2023, he introduced their Gender Inclusive Policy. Emery came out as a transgender man on LinkedIn, a pivotal moment in his DEI journey. His lived experience—navigating ADHD, dyslexia, and anxiety—fuels his work. Fluent in Cantonese and English, he supports leaders with localised strategies that drive inclusive impact across teams and cultures.
Formerly the Diversity & Inclusion Director for Gay Games Hong Kong 2023, he introduced their Gender Inclusive Policy. Emery came out as a transgender man on LinkedIn, a pivotal moment in his DEI journey. His lived experience—navigating ADHD, dyslexia, and anxiety—fuels his work. Fluent in Cantonese and English, he supports leaders with localised strategies that drive inclusive impact across teams and cultures.
Matangi Gowrishankar - India
Matangi is a seasoned executive coach and facilitator with over three decades of global experience working in large organisations Indian by passport, Matangi has travelled extensively, and has global leadership experience in the UK and Singapore working on a broad geographic remit across APAC, India, Middle East, Turkey, Southern Africa, UK, and the USA. A specialist in organizational development, change management, leadership development and team dynamics, Matangi has a keen interest in international business and intercultural leadership. She works with clients worldwide, both virtually and face-to-face.